Mabon Musings

Can I be frank? If you don't mind, I shall say, simply, this summer has kicked my ass.

I experienced several difficult stressers this summer, but I'm very glad to report that in the end, they all turned out fine.  I have a strange sense of exhaustion and gratitude--a sense that my family and I have survived.  And I can't help but feel a little "first-world problem"-y about much of it.  For example, the summer stress started on Father's Day, when we had just torn out our kitchen for a major make-over when our dog, Eddie T. Wonderdawg, blew out his knee.  To avoid an expensive surgery we couldn't afford, our dog (and therefore the humans too) needed eight weeks of bed rest.  So every moment we weren't at work, we were in the bed with the dog. 

Here are all the things to be grateful about in that scenario...  I have a kitchen, and I can remodel it.  We are doing much of the work ourselves because we love doing that kind of thing.  It's true, we couldn't afford to pay someone to do it, but then, our kitchen worked fine before we tore it apart.  We just didn't like it.  What a privilege, to decide I don't like my kitchen and I want a new one!

We have a dog.  We have a GREAT dog.  He's a wonderful, smart, healthy dog.  So so sweet.  We don't want him in pain, and when he blew out his knee, we were able to take him to an emergency vet who diagnosed him and gave him meds.  The next morning I had a long conversation with his primary vet, and we made a treatment plan.  I could afford the emergency care, I didn't have to put my dog down for a terrible injury, and I could give him pain meds. When I remember the huge swaths of this planet where humans don't get this much care, I can't feel anything but grateful.

We put off our kitchen reno, with everything from the kitchen crowded into the living room, and spent much of the next eight weeks in bed with the dog.  We both went to work--we have jobs!!  Another thing to be grateful for!!--but during those weeks, we spent all our spare time in the bed with the dog.  We carried him outside to pee, and carried him back in the house.  He is about 65 pounds--any bigger and I would not have been able to lift him.  But we were able to rehab his knee, and eventually he was able to walk and run.  Now he appears fully recovered, and we were able to avoid the surgery for his bad knee, and avoid an injury to his good knee.  How lucky I felt when I realized we were making it through this process.

But then some more serious things started happening.  The stress of our living situation took a toll on our marriage, and my husband and I took a little break.  I moved into the guest room, with the dog, and my husband and I started being much more polite and nicer to one another.  After several weeks, we were able to come back together with renewed strength and compassion for one another.

During that time, my car stopped working, and since it had been in bad shape for a long time, we had already decided not to fix it.  I spent what little tiny savings I had on getting a car that was new to me.

I was also filled with gratitude during this time, as my marriage not only survived but was happier and stronger than before.  And although I had to get a different car, a good, good friend offered me an excellent price on a delightful little car that I just love.  And even though I spent every extra cent I had, I was grateful that I had the savings available to do it.  During many other times of my life, I would have been unable to buy the car, even at the great price he offered it.  I was also grateful for the car I'd had--the one that stopped working--it had worked for several years and had been purchased for a low price as well.  Indeed, my experiences with cars, though trying, have been positive.

Shortly after things settled down with the dog, the car, and the marriage, we got word that a good friend was nearing the end of his life.  He is an older gentleman, and he and his wife had been amazing friends to us.  We went to his side and did our best to support his family.  A few days passed, and one afternoon we went again to visit him.  We were there when our friend died, and we were pleased to later participate in a memorial service befitting his amazing presence in our lives.  

During these weeks, we were able to get some of the kitchen renovation back under way.  I was mudding the seams of our new ceiling, learning for my first time, how to do drywall, and I was thrilled to learn a new skill.  My days were made of smearing mud and sanding.  I felt exhilarated to learn a skill that had previously eluded me.

Meanwhile, a very good friend shared the news that she had been diagnosed with cancer.  The prognosis is good--her type of cancer responds well to treatment.  But her life, as well as her wife's, was about to be turned upside down.  We offered our support, but felt like bystanders with little tangible to offer in such a difficult time.

Then, on Labor Day weekend, we were tearing out the kitchen sink and some cupboards, getting excited again about the progress being made in the kitchen.  On Tuesday, when we were getting ready to head back to work, Bill developed a crippling headache.  The story of Bill's headache is documented in my other blog (http://alifeineverexpected.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-longest-night.html), and the end result was that he had had a stroke. 

Bill, who is the most resilient man I have ever met, recovered quickly, and is almost 100% himself again. 

Again, I felt immense gratitude that this potentially horrible situation worked out ok.  And as the information about the stroke unfolded and we organized our lives around his recovery (which was incredibly quick!), our friends surrounded us with love, support and food.  SO MUCH to be grateful for.

So this Mabon, I will not be hosting my usual friends for Ritual.  Life has just been too hectic, and the house is a mess.  But I will be having a small Ritual for myself, and I will be celebrating several different energies.  The first, let's be honest, is GOOD-BYE SUMMER.  Seriously, people.  GOOD-BYE.

The second is THANK YOU to the Universe for blessing us with so much.  Not only do we have all we need, but even when we experienced very difficult times, we were able to recover fully.  And a thank you to the Universe for my husband, in particular, who has already survived so many hardships and has been resilient to a major medical assault.

The third is a white candle of healing energies for my loved ones who are experiencing medical issues and those who are struggling with loss.

When the time came for the actual Ritual, Bill decided to stand with me.  We struggled a bit with where to do it.  The house is a mess.  There are no places that are calm, clean, and ready for spiritual practice.  We decided on the front porch.

I threw a gold table cloth over our small porch table, and spread across it the decorative squash and tiny pumpkins I'd purchased for this purpose.  I collected the elemental figures from my personal altar, as well as the goddess and god figurines.  I lit the Mabon candle I have, which is a yellow and orange pillar candle, a gift from my Shaman, that I have used at each Mabon.  I set the three candles left to right--black, silver, and white--behind the altar items.  I set a plate with nuts and a sliced apple in front of the altar items, to the right of the Mabon candle, and a crystal chalice with a (coincidentally amber-colored) adult beverage to the left.  We stopped for a minute to admire the simple beauty of our Spiritual items and the abundance of the Mabon themed altar.

We ground and centered ourselves, set the circle, called the quarters and the deities.  I lit the black candle, focusing on the challenges we have faced, and asking the Universe to burn off the negativity and let it be taken away from us.

I lit the silver candle, focusing on the blessings and healing that has come our way, and asking the Universe to draw more of these energies toward our light, and to let the blessing energies continue to flow.

I lit the white candle, focusing on the healing energies of the Universe and asking that the energies be directed to our loved ones.  We spoke their names out loud and also offered a general blessing to those we failed to mention.

Bill and I each took some of the apple and nuts, we each took a sip from the chalice; then I left the circle to leave most of the apple and the nuts in offering by a tree in our yard, under our green man.  I poured out the fermented beverage in a ring around the offering.  I rejoined the Circle.

As we extinguished the candles at the end of the Ritual, we reiterated our hopes for banishing negative energies while maintaining and drawing the positive ones.  As soon as I blew out the black candle I felt a weight lifting, felt the burden lighten, felt hopeful and content. 

Closing the Circle went as it usually does, and we were happy to feel connected and safe.  I'm glad I took the time to honor Mabon.  Too often, I find myself too rushed to celebrate it, even though it is one of my favorite Sabbats. 

Blessed be.